2020: A Year To Purge, Cleanse & Heal

This past Sunday I had a meltdown of sorts, it seemed like I hit my boiling point and everything that could possibly come out, did. I exploded after imploding, I released here on my blog, my Facebook and in my home, then I took a walk. I only walked around the townhouse community where we live and as I starting to walk home I noticed something running up the road towards me, so I stopped to look as it got closer. It was a coyote running up the road at the same time as I walking down it. We both stopped for a hot minute to look at each other, I said “Oh hello pretty baby, what are you up to?”, he just looked at me, then ran into the desert. It gave me such a sense of great peace to see this beautiful creature that I have always been drawn to since I was a little girl in the wild, running towards me, no intentionally running towards but still I took it as a gift and sign from the Universe. You may not believe in that kind of thing, I do. I believe that certain creatures or critters are sent our way when we need them most, not just in spirit or dream form, also in physical form.

Take for instance I used to live in an apartment, the apartment where I got sick and almost died in, when we lived there after my septic shock, I would sit out on the balcony just enjoying the mornings or the day. I can remember when all I wanted was something to change there because we had a black figure and a little girl living in our apartment, when I say little girl she was not alive. They created havoc for us, breaking things and tormenting me, they showed themselves right after we moved in that apartment and became more prevalent to us after my septic shock. I wanted to move out of there so badly as I was a hot mess living there. One day as I am sitting on the balcony, the only place I felt safe, I was asking the Universe to give us somewhere else to live or just a change or something, well a beautiful raven showed up on my balcony rail and did his croaking at me. We were enthralled with each other, I ran inside to get a present for him, I gave him a necklace that he could take, he took it and everyday for a month he kept coming back for little gifts. The gifts I would leave him would be pieces of bread, some bird seed, pieces of fruits and veggies and everyday he made sure I knew he was there with his croaking. One day when I was sitting in the living room and not out on the balcony, he came down to the balcony and knocked to the sliding glass door, croaking at me so that I would come talk to him, which I ended up doing. I felt that he knew I needed a friend, I needed change and about a month later we moved into another apartment in the same community.

I was more miserable there and again, here came my precious raven to sit with me on the patio as we moved to a downstairs apartment. He would just sit and talk to me, the neighbors were in awe that this raven would hang with me. They were scared and would tell me to stop talking to him, I had to tell them that I believe that he is staying with me until something good happens to me. At then end of that year, we moved into this house, I have seen ravens every so often over here, I haven’t had one visit me though. I miss my friend, he brought me so much joy and peace.

To add to this, one afternoon last year in 2019, we had just moved here I was sitting in my office working and out of my eye I see two roadrunners running around the courtyard. They both see me and run to the open front door, pecking at it and squealing, yes they squeal. Then each one takes turns jumping up and looking in the front windows at me, til they see me in my office and they both jump up to the window and peck at it. I can remember laughing at how comedic these birds were, they were so friendly and wanted nothing more than to say hello to me. Once I went to the window and opened it enough to say hello to them, they talked back then jumped down to run off. I haven’t seen them since that day, however I will never forget how they made me feel. I felt young, vibrant, full of energy and excited.

Recently, we had a hawk just show up on my shed in our backyard, I spotted him as I was doing dishes and looking out the kitchen window. He went into our garden, I am sure so he could get the nasty grubs that were there, however he also hung out while I got close enough to talk to him. He sat on my patio table, looking at me while I talked to him, I was about 1 foot away from him. He took talked back to me, fluffed himself which I know is normally a sign of warning, yet he hopped closer to me to see me. We had a beautiful interaction between us. I truly believe the Universe sends me these creatures so I can be blessed and have messages, if you don’t believe that it’s okay, it may not be for you to believe.

Back to my original thought as I just got side tracked…..after my meltdown and the encounter with the coyote, Ron took me and our pups to the park nearby to go walking so I could clear my head more.

We walked around the desert area of the park, where it’s so more beautiful than the man made park, I like nature in the raw. We came up to this area called “Mickey’s Island” which is this part of the desert that is surrounded by washes, a wash is where the water runs when the rains come or when snow melts off the mountains. Well to cross over to this island you must walk on a bridge, before we crossed the bridge I noticed new signs that were put up.

I am a dork!!

Are you ready for it?

The sign read “NO fishing off the bridge. Our sand trout are endangered.”

YUP!! I went looking for the damned sand trout!! Ron lost it laughing so hard at me, I said in all seriousness “What are you laughing at? I want to see the sand trout.” He roared with laughed. After a few minutes it hit me, THERE ARE NO SAND TROUTS!!! Okay go laugh, bust my chops…I know Ron is still busting my chops over that one.

Okay back to what I want to say, after all of this, we came home and it was a quiet time in our home for the rest of the evening. We just chilled and relaxed, I felt clean inside like I released so much shit out of my system that there is room now for great things. I woke up Monday feeling pretty good, other than some back pain which I have been dealing with now for over a week, no worries I threw my back out and I need to lose weight. We spent the day just being playful with each other, having fun and relaxing. We even made a Gingerbread tree, which is gone now. I went into work on Tuesday, did my team meeting with my advisors, I turned it into a holiday party, we all had so much fun, after my meeting I did all my paperwork so I would have this week to focus on helping my advisors.

Here comes my exciting news and why I wrote all this other stuff, on Wednesday I get a message from our site manager, my supervisor’s boss saying she needs to speak to me. My heart stopped and I wanted to throw up, I was scared that I did something to offend an advisor, BUT NO!!! She called me up to tell me that I have been promoted to full team lead with a nice raise, I yelled, I danced, I squealed like a little girl, then I bawled my eyes out as this is what I have been wanting for so long.

THAT IS NOT ALL FOLKS!!!

WAIT FOR IT!!!

Every quarter we have a thing at work, where advisors, team leads, supervisors and so on can nominate someone for special recognition and award. I knew I was nominated and I had multiple nominations at that. What I did not know was what my site manager was about to tell me….WAIT FOR IT!!

I won the award and recognition!! I won the leadership award!! I am so overwhelmed with such a gratitude, love, respect and appreciation for my advisors, my co-workers, my supervisors, my former team leads, my former quality coaches and my former supervisor who helped through all the shit. I am overwhelmed with gratitude, love and appreciation for Ron, who has stood by my side through it all. I am overwhelmed with pure love, gratitude, appreciate and respect for my best friends who I call my sisters who put up with my whining and bitchiness, they stood by me, encouraging me and supporting me, they even kicked me in the ass with brutal honesty. I cannot attribute this to myself, there are so many other people who helped me to get here, it is not just me alone. I am overwhelmed and cannot find the words to express how I feel or maybe I have found them, I don’t know. I am so emotional over this.

I made it this far….I survived Septic Shock. I worked for my company before I got sick, I got sick while working for my company, I had to leave and come back twice due to my illness and now 5 years later I am a full blown team lead making a great income and I am being bestowed with a great honor to be named a great leader. I cannot tell you all how much my heart is overflowing right now. I cannot tell you how much overwhelmed I am right now.

I feel so blessed right now.

It’s so emotional to me today, I am trying to absorb this and I cannot believe this is happening to me.

Three promotions in one year, I said 2020 sucked, however if I really look back this has been a great year for me career wise, well all the way around other than not going out anywhere. My mental health is improving, my physical health as far as weight goes, well I will get that corrected with a good healthy lifestyle, after all I have Apple Fitness+ now to use, I can go walking and I will start eating better.

Looking at 2020 I can say my one word to take away was, hell I can’t do one word.

If I were to describe 2020 for me it would be …..a year of great purging, great healing, great transformation as I came out of my darkness and out of my cocoon and my shell to be who I am today. This is the year where I was given so many blessings that I cannot look back and say it was a shit show or a shit year, for me it’s a great year. I cannot look back and be unhappy, yes we have Covid, yes we have shutdowns, however I am taking the goodness from it all. If we didn’t have this, I would still be stuck in my shit, stuck in my misery, stuck in the darkness, feeling drained, depleted, and drained. This year allowed me to stop trying to keep busy to avoid dealing with my demons, I had to turn inside of myself to clear out the bullshit and make way for better.

I suggest that we all take some time to reflect and take count of the great things in our lives.

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