Have you ever just gotten out of bed and said “What the fuck?” and that was your phrase for the day? This has been my phrase for most of 2020, this has been one hell of a fucked up year for us all. I have been trying to put into words a few things that I would like to share, it’s not always easy for me as I have been watching my words and trying not to offend the masses as butt hurt as they get. I guess I should just say FUCK IT, say what I need to say and get it out there.
My rant about Covid
I had two promotions this year, I cannot celebrate them like I want because well Covid is here to stay. This morning I got up to pay the bills, it’s payday and of course I pay my bills. I jumped on my other account in Google through the MacBook and because I haven’t really signed into Google in Safari I have to go through the authentication process where I get the prompt on my phone. Right in front of my face is the new story that Arizona has the fastest spread in the US!!
WHAT THE FUCK ??!!!
What the fuck are you people thinking???
Stay the fuck home, if you must go out use a fucking mask, seriously though STAY THE FUCK HOME!!!
Do your shopping online and have it delivered to you!!
Stop going out to eat, cook your fucking meals at home!
Stop going to bars!!
You are part of the problem!! You are not only making other sick physically by spreading this shit, you are making other mentally ill!! You are forcing others to stay at home because people like myself cannot afford to be sick, our immune systems cannot handle it, yet we want to get out of the house too, because of assholes like you we cannot. That is my rant!!! I cannot fully live my life because assholes cannot think of others and stop being out and about spreading this shit like wildfire.
Not sure how I feel inside now!!
Perhaps today is the day that starts me thinking about what direction that I want my blog, my life and my career, hell my faith even to be going in. That bothers me so much because I have always had a plan, a focus, a dream and goals. I had one of my sisters, Tracy ask me yesterday if I feel the energy that is coming from the planetary alignment, the Solstice and all that stuff, she said she feels an ominous vibe, honestly I feel nothing.
THAT IS REALLY BAD FOR ME!
I feel nothing at all, no pull towards any one thing. No energetic anything. The last full moon we had I felt nothing, I looked it and thought “How beautiful” but that is it, nothing else, no strong pull like I would normally have. I go outside in the garden, nothing I am just there sitting. I sit in the sunshine, again nothing. I am feeling dead lately, that is the only way I can put it. I know a witch who is feeling nothing at all is not a good thing. I feel no connection to animals, plants, birds, the Universe, Mother Earth, Mother Nature, the Sun, the Moon and honestly other people, I am just existing for the sake of existing, yes I know this is a bad thing.
So how do I come out of this?
Where do I find my passion for living a full life?
How does one start to come out of the pits of hell to rise up above it all to have a full life with passionate living?
These are my questions for years now, as I have lost it all or so it feels to me. Everyone says you hit rock bottom the only way to go is up, well FUCK how the FUCK do you get up and keep going? Some days are easier than others, other days well I just want to pull the blankets over my head and say FUCK THIS SHIT!! Today is a day where my brain is overactive, it could be the coffee, it could be the vitamins, it could be all the bill paying I did as it’s payday and I look at my bank account shaking my head going WHAT THE FUCK??? It could be the fucking headlines that I try to avoid so badly, it could be social media and all the bullshit political posts being posted.
Today is my Fuck It All day