Staycation Day 4: Clearing The Mind

Day 4 of my staycation…

Yesterday I laid on the couch watching Hallmark movies on the Hallmark app and I watched Seduced on Starz about another cult that I never heard of. For some reason learning about cults intrigues me…I guess it’s because of the fact that yes my parents in one (JWs). Plus the more I think about the churches that I have been to, a lot of their stuff is cultish, sorry not sorry. Which is why I am a Witch, pagan, spiritual, I don’t need to buy into things, I have doctrines that I need to follow, I don’t have rituals that I need to perform and I don’t have to be branded or wear a symbol to say who I am or what I believe.I did some laundry and dishes of course.

We went to Ken’s Hardwood Barbecue to get my $50 gift card that I won and came home with dinner. I had a great beef brisket sandwich with collards and Ronnie had a pulled pork sandwich with potato salad and collards. I could only eat half, it was that filling. We didn’t spend the full $50 and still have money left over to go back and WE WILL GO BACK!! Next time we eat dine in. If you are in Tucson and haven’t been then you need to go there. It’s amazing!!

Sooner or later today, I am going bake my pumpkin and apple pies for tomorrow, I did some laundry and dishes, I also spoke with one of my best friends Leah today, she lives in Georgia so we have FaceTime, Facebook, texting or we call each other. We invited our only friend Matt for tomorrow as well, we are not sure yet if he is coming as he said he would, yet he is not answering my texts about whether he will be here or not, huge pet peeve of mine, just RSVP dude. Either way, Ron and I will make the most of it.

I am missing NJ and NY right now in a huge way. I miss the friendships, the family, the aromas, the lifestyle, the people, nature, and all that stuff from back there. No, before anyone says it, we can not simply load up a truck and move back. first of all it’s way too costly (3X the cost to live here), secondly we have been here 13 years now…this is our home now. I have been wanting to write here on my blog, get back to reading the paperback books that I have and a few other things. Today of all days, like most days, I have so many things racing through my head and it’s making me crazy.

Since it is my staycation, I am getting time off of work, however it doesn’t change the fact that I really miss my team, my supervisor, my fellow team leads, and all the advisors I help every day that I am working. I am not good at staycations or vacations, I don’t know how to unwind, relax, breathe, or enjoy them.

Okay, that is what is on my mind today along with other things. I know I have been pretty quiet, I haven’t shared much of myself until the last few days. I have had so many different blogs, I would share out my thoughts, my feelings and then BAM!!! Here came someone to tell me to hush or stop posting or whatever, so I got quiet, stopping posting, stopped sharing myself with others because it made others uncomfortable. That is partially due to people always trying to silence me, tell me to be quiet, don’t share this or that, don’t share your personal thoughts on social media, don’t say this or that…just post memes and make everyone happy and partially my fear of being told what to say, do, eat, wear, and so on. I am extremely tired of being quiet and silent. If it makes you uncomfortable sorry not sorry, I have to be me, honest, blunt, true…no sugar coating anymore. NO more being silent to make others comfortable.

I decided today to write about my staycation and publish the posts that were just sitting here waiting to be shared. I remembered a time where I used to share what my days were like way back when I used to blog on Blogger. It made me happy to do that, it was therapeutic even if no one cared that I did laundry or mopped the floor or saw a butterfly in the garden. It made me feel good to release my thoughts whether anyone read them or commented on them or not. This and my journal are how I clear my mind.

This is now the place I am in, the sharing of myself with the world again. Like in the movie Frozen I am opening the gates, letting the walls down and allowing others in while singing “Let It Go” loudly.

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